But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i permit you to call me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
