That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
