Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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