i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
