i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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