Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
