so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
