omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
