I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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