Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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