2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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