I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
