Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
