she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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