she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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