the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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