508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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