So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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