I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
