he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
