I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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