I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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