You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
