so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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