Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
