What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
