Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
