If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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