..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
