Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
