She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
