you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
