yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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