i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
