I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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