I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
