Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
