girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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