Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
