When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
