I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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