If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
