Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
