I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
