i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
