never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
