Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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