Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
