D3 body, D1 cock
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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