You smell like stripper and shame
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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